White Lies – Why Are They Socially Acceptable?
By Elizabeth Fink
“White” lies are socially acceptable. They have always been socially acceptable. We simply cannot imagine it any other way. From lying to your boss about being sick to telling your child that you don’t have any cookies when you really do. These “little” lies continue day in and day out without anyone hardly “batting an eyelash.” Why? Consider the long-term effect of “white” lies. When someone tells us they are not feeling well, we may be more inclined to think they are lying to get out of something rather than to be concerned about their health. Why should I bother being concerned about this person’s health just to be “suckered” yet again? When we lie, no matter how “innocent” we believe our lies are, we are contributing to the breakdown of trust in our society.
We are contributing to how uncaring, unkind and insensitive people sometimes tend to be. They are incredibly tired of being “suckered” therefore they would just rather be indifferent and not care at all. There are alternatives to “white” lies. Honesty is better for everyone in the long run. Taking the time to explain yourself, although much more difficult and time-consuming, it is always the better choice. Let’s revisit the “cookie” scenario. If your child asks you for a cookie and you simply say, “we don’t have anymore,” you have just chipped away at their trust in you. Children are quite brilliant and they have a way of finding out the truth. You are better off explaining to them why you do not want them to have a cookie. It is better for your relationship because you haven’t chipped away at their trust and it is better for your child to learn why it is not healthy to have too many cookies.
You are said to be pretty naïve if you “believe everything you hear,” but I think as reality stands today you are pretty naïve if you “believe practically anything you hear.” How do we solve this crisis? We start making the individual choice to be honest. Our innocence slowly starts being chipped away as soon as we are born. We go to great lengths trying to convince our children that Santa Claus is “real.” That’s insane! Santa Claus is pretend. Santa Claus is a nice story and he stands for wonderful things like hope, generosity, and caring. But now… he is not only a lie… he’s a conspiracy. The day a child finally realizes that Santa Claus is not real is the day their innocence is lost. If you cannot even trust your own parents, then who can you trust? By the way, politicians are a product of the people, if we are ever going to have honest ones, it needs to start with the people. If you have questions or comments about this article, please share them with me at beth@empathylessons.com – Elizabeth Fink, October 1, 2008
If you have questions or comments about this article, please share them with me at beth@empathylessons.com – Elizabeth Fink, October 1, 2008
I developed http://www.empathylessons.com to provide people with guidance on how to improve their lives. So many lives could be improved if we took much more time to stop and listen and understand other people’s points of view rather than being so incredibly concerned about our own.
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