Teaching Our Children About Respect
By Kevin Goh
Let’s be frank – preschoolers aren’t exactly models of respectful behaviour all the time and it can often seem as if little ones at this age are at their most trying. But don’t despair – teaching children respect is a process that can be put in place from a very young age and may not be as trying as it seems.
Start At The Beginning
There’s no better time to begin teaching your child about respect than at the start of his life. As soon as your child can speak, he can learn to say “please” and “thank you” to those around him. When he is old enough to play with others, teach him to share his toys with his playmates. Showing him how to care for his playthings will also teach him about respect for property. Beginning with things within your child’s natural sphere of interaction is a good way to start.
Model Behaviour
Remember that you are your child’s first and most important teacher – your little one will learn to treat others by following your example. Be alert to not just the manner you take towards your children but also to the people your interact with throughout the day as you can be sure that your child will be learning from you each step of the way.
Exhibiting kindness and consideration to those around you – towards people who are different or elderly for instance – will provide your child with the opportunity to learn that there are different types of people and that they should be treated with respect.
As you teach your child about respect through your actions, take the opportunity to impart the less obvious details to him as well. Let him know that looking someone in the eye, adopting a courteous tone of voice, and using proper words (such as “yes” or “no” instead of “uh huh” or “nah”) are also important. These are aspects that your children will not naturally know, so it’s important that you point your child in right direction.
Get In The Know
Parents armed with the know-how and the right skills are likely to fine their job that much easier when it comes to teaching their children about respect. Take some time to select and go through books on parenting, or consider the option of signing up with a parenting class that will help develop a relationship that encourages respect in the family and to others.
Consistency Is Everything
If you’re prone to struggling with feelings of guilt when it comes to disciplining your child, don’t. According to Elizabeth Pantley, author of Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate! “Letting kids get away with bad behaviour only breeds more of the same. Make sure your kids know the rules of the family and that you discipline appropriately when rules are broken.”
Don’t change your stance on appropriate discipline according to your mood. Says Elizabeth: “Firm and fair discipline is not haphazard and does not change of depending on your mood. It requires a consistency that your kids can count on. They may not like it, but they can count on it!”
When your child is certain of the consequences of each decision and action he takes, he is more likely to behave in an appropriate manner. Being anything less than consistent will only lead to confusion, a greater tendency to misbehave, and resentment on your child’s part.
Say It Loud
As parents, you’ll find your praise and encouragement are things your child values and will naturally strive for. Make it an effort to acknowledge and praise your child when he’s done something right. This can be done verbally (“it was great that you offered your seat to that lady in the bus!”), or non-verbally with hand signals, a smile, a hug or a squeeze of the hand.
Make it a point to be specific, and explicit when praising your child. Place emphasis on the good behaviour you want to reinforce, says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and co-author of Twenty Teachable Virtues. Praising your child for say “please” and “thank you” at the dinner table instead of merely saying “good boy” or “great job” will allow your preschooler to understand which actions and behaviours are appreciated and rewarded.
Listen Up
Teaching your child about respect is as much about demonstrating it yourself. Show your little one that listening to what others have to say is an important aspect of demonstrating respect. Whether your child has something he wants to show you, or even if it’s an attempt at explaining a case of misbehaviour on his part, make a genuine effort to hear him out.
Position yourself at his level, look him in the eye and turn your full attention to him so he knows you’re interested in what he’s saying. Though it can take time to listen patiently to your preschooler throughout, letting him have your attention when he is speaking is the best way to teach him to listen to you just as carefully.
Don’t Overreact
Though it’s easy to feel upset when your child displays a lack of respect, particularly when this is directed at you, avoid overreacting to the undesirable behaviour. Instead of becoming provoked, deal with the unwanted behaviour firmly yet calmly. Get face to face with your child and firmly tell him that such behaviour is not desirable, be it directed at you or someone else, and that these actions or works won’t be tolerated. Then show your child how he can get what he wants by being respectful.
Be Prepared For Disagreements
Even as you do your best to teach your child the value of respect, be prepared for disagreements to occur. Remember that when your child resists doing something your way this doesn’t necessarily translate into a display of disrespect. Your child could simply be expressing a different opinion or have ideas about how something can be done differently.
If disagreements do get heated, opting to talk about the matter a little latter can sometimes be the best way to proceed. Give yourself, and your child, a chance to cold down and get some perspective on what both of you have said. Approach the matter without coming down completely on your child. Instead, acknowledge his feelings by saying “I could tell you were upset. Let’s talk about some ways to solve the problem and how we can show respect to each other.”
Teach Your Child To Respect Himself
While it’s important to inculcate a sense of respect for other persons and their property. It’s just as vital to teach your child to respect himself. Let him know that he should not be afraid to say no to unwanted behaviour. Inappropriate touches or anything else that would have a harmful influence on him. Unless your child learns the value of self-respect, it will be an uphill, if not impossible task, to teach him to respect others.
Kevin Goh. http://eParenting-Tips.com
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