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How to Survive Disrespectful Children
By Rosie Centeno

Are you fed up with your child’s disrespectful behavior? Does your child ignore you when you tell him not to do something harmful or destructive? Maybe he talks back to you? Or she rolls her eyes at you when you speak?

This type of behavior from children can be infuriating and confusing to us parents because it’s hurtful. And we usually react to it with more disrespectful behavior towards our kids.

Then we’ve got a downward spiral where nobody wins and everybody’s hurting from the way we’re treating each other.

If you’re like me, this has happened in your home on more than one occasion. And the standoff usually goes on until my daughter starts crying or I feel guilty about snapping at her.

And then we start worrying if we don’t get a handle on this disrespectful behavior, something really bad could happen to our child or our family, like they won’t be able to learn in school, get good grades, or keep a job and it will cost us a lot of time and money trying to correct the problem later, if it can ever be corrected.

Well, I’ve come up with a few survival parenting tips here for the next time you find yourself in this situation:

• STOP, take a deep breath, and keep your lip zipped. If you don’t and you’re really frustrated, then you’ll probably do one of the disrespectful things that parents in our culture are taught to do, like yelling, snapping, criticizing, lecturing, shaming, blaming, making fun of or comparing to others. This doesn’t help. In fact, it will hurt you and your child in the long run. While these tactics may (or may not) stop you child from being disrespectful in the moment, they will only make the problem worse when you’re not around. Most kids whose parents have to pick them up from the Principal’s office or from the police station didn’t do the problem behaviors within their eyesight. When you’re sure you’ve calmed down and you’ve got your rational mind back, then you can calmly speak to you child in a way that helps them hear you (see below).
• Brush up on your communication skills. I call it talking to kids in a way that HELPS them hear you. Kids need our help learning about life. There are effective ways to talk to kids so they can learn respectful behavior. These are parenting skills and can be learned.
• Remember that our children are learning from us every minute of every day. We are teaching them how to talk to us by the way we talk to them. Every time we are disrespectful to our child, we are actually teaching them to be disrespectful children.
• Look at all the ways you are teaching your child to be disrespectful. It’s so common to treat kids with disrespect in our culture that most parents don’t even know when they’re doing it. For example, talking about kids in front of them as if they weren’t there. What we’re teaching them is how to disrespect the feelings and experiences of others. Educate yourself and become more aware. This will take some effort on your part, but you will be well-rewarded in the long run. Your children will be easier to parent, more respectful of you and others and protected from the behavior problems that cause them to get into trouble.
• Remember that a disrespectful child is usually a hurting child. When children are hurting they need our help, understanding and guidance before they can be effectively taught the right way to behave or before they can be effectively disciplined.
• Save the lesson for later. When kids are hurting they can’t be taught anything, especially respectful behavior. The part of their brain that reasons shuts down and they’re acting strictly from the primal, instinctual, self-preservation part. (This is the same thing that’s happening to parents when we’re feeling disrespected, that’s why I suggest you wait until you calm down before saying anything harmful to your kids.) Later, when you’re both feeling calm and close again, you can bring up the problem in a way that will help them learn the lesson.

Right now, imagine yourself using these survival tips the next time your child is disrespectful and let me know how it goes.

Rosie Blitchington Centeno is a professional speaker and life coach who helps parents raise happy, cooperative, well-adjusted kids who smile more; listen better and follow directions; learn more easily and are protected from behavior problems, addictions and mental illnesses, even if they run in the family.

Her programs provide parents with the parenting tools and skills to communicate effectively with children, which gives them confidence that they are giving their kids the best start in life.

When using her programs, parents report more their children are more responsive to limit-setting, smile more and even give more hugs and kisses.

You can get your FREE report that reveals how to communicate with kids so they listen to you the first time at http://www.positiveparentinghappykids.com

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